14 days, 16 shows, two radio shows, a streaming web show, and 5800 miles later I am back home. Thanks to everyone who set up shows, came out to see us play, gave us places to stay, and bought records and T-shirts. With the exception of the Boston promoter ripping us off, all went off without a hitch. We sold all of the records we brought on tour, got to see so many awesome bands and old friends, ate tons of great food, and partied our asses off. Playing at WFMU was a great honor (thanks to Terre T and Paul Bruno for asking us to come and play). For those of you who missed it you can listen to the whole thing, awkward interview and all, here. It was also really awesome getting to play at Rocket Science Audio. Robin has got a really nice thing going on there. This Saturday we head back out to Atlanta for the Mess Around, then after that the next few months are nothing serious business. Life Stinks and Achtungs singles coming out shortly. Followed by the Buck Biloxi and Golden Pelicans 12″s, and the Broken Talent LP! Can’t believe this is finally going to see the light of day. Got a ton of new stuff in the store, so hit up the catalog and give me your money so I can afford to get all these great records out.
TOTAL PUNK IS BACK WITH SOME MORE HATE FOR YOU. FOR THOSE OF YOU COUNTING THIS IS THE FOURTH RELEASE OF THE YEAR AND THE THIRD WITH THE WORD HATE IN ONE OF THE SONG TOTALS. I THINK PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE ABOUT AROUND HERE. WELL THE ACHTUNGS DON’T DISAPPOINT. THIS IS A SONG WORTHY OF HAVING THE BIG “H” WORD IN THE TITLE. BLOWN OUT, ANGRY, AND CATCHY AS HELL. EXPECT THIS ONE TO DROP IN MAY. FOLLOWING THAT WE HAVE SOME MORE LIFE AFFIRMING MUSIC FROM LIFE STINKS, THEN 12″s BY BOTH GOLDEN PELICANS AND BUCK BILOXI. OH YEAH AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST THE BROKEN TALENT LP IS FINALLY COMING TOGETHER AND SHOULD BE MASTERED SOON!!!!!!
THE PELICANS ARE FLYING THE COOP NEXT WEEK AND HITTING ALL DESTINATIONS NORTH. JACKETS ARE PACKED, THE GOOCH IS FILLING HIS SUITCASE WITH AIRPLANE LIQUOR BOTTLES AS I TYPE, AND KING G IS ALREADY FIGURING OUT THE BEST SPOTS IN THE VAN TO LEAVE HIS DIRTY SOCKS. WE’LL HAVE OUR BRAND NEW SINGLE ON PELICAN POW WOW IN HAND, PLUS ALL KINDS OF OTHER STUPID SHIT FOR YOU TO BUY. I ALSO HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF LUMPY AND THE DUMPERS- GNATS IN THE PISSER 7″ (FIRST PRESSING) FOR YOU TO GET YOUR FILTHY MITTS ON AND A BUNCH OF OTHER TOTALLY PUNK TOTAL PUNK RECORDS. IF YOU CAN’T CATCH US LIVE YOU’LL HAVE TWO CHANCES TO CATCH US ONLINE. SATURDAY APRIL 12 WE ARE PLAYING THE CHERRY BLOSSOM CLINIC ON WFMU, WHICH CAN BE STREAMED HERE. ALSO SUNDAY APRIL 20 WE ARE DOING AN EASTER SUNDAY ALL AGES SHOW AT ROCKET SCIENCE AUDIO IN MEMPHIS, WHICH CAN BE STREAMED WITH VIDEO HERE. HOPE TO SEE MOST OF YOU AT THESE SHOWS. WE’RE ALL BROKE BECAUSE WE SPENT THE LAST OF OUR MONEY ON OBAMACARE, SO TELL YOU FRIENDS, TELL YOUR ENEMIES, TELL YOUR COWORKERS, TELL YOUR CUSTOMERS, TELL YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS, TELL YOUR MARRIED FRIENDS, TELL ANYBODY WHO WILL LISTEN, AND EVEN THOSE WHO WON’T.
April 09- Chapel Hill, NC @ Nightlight w/ Flesh Wounds, Last Years Men
April 10- Baltimore, MD @ Gold Bar w/ aDVLTS, Quitter
April 11- Harvard @ Democracy Center w/ Protomartyr, Spray Paint
April 12- @WFMU on Cheery Blossom Clinic 3:00
April 12- Brooklyn @ Rathaus Basement w/ Foster Care, Rathaus
April 14- Detroit, MI @ Lager House w/ Twine Time, Fake Surfers
April 15- Bloomington, IN @ Back Door w/ Cowboys
April 16- Milwaukee, WI @ Circle A w/ Aluminum Knot Eye
April 17- Minneapolis, MN @ Hexagon Bar w/ Blind Shake, Can of Beans, Miami Dolphins, Pleasure Barons
April 18- Chicago, IL @ Cole’s w/ Yolks, Son Of A Gun, DJ Coz
April 19- Memphis @ Murphy’s w/ Manateees, Gimp Teeth
April 20- Memphis @ Rocket Science Audio
April 21- New Orleans @ Saturn Bar w/ Spray Paint, Buck Biloxi
GOLDEN PELICANS- Burn Everything 7″
Your favorite Florida dumpster punks GOLDEN PELICANS are back with their third 7″ and first for Pelican Pow Wow Records. Burn Everything continues their solid string of aggressive punk by berating our ears with two new tracks.
Burn Everything is their third single in as many years, ramped up on punk trash and thrashing about like a wild caveman. Both tracks are spearheaded by scorching guitars and lead Pelican King G’s raspy howls, held together by scrappy percussion and muffled bass. It’s the next rowdy step in their growing discography, proving that the Pelicans are the sloppiest gang of punks from Orlando. “Burn Everything” comes doused in a wave of shredded guitars and snarling vocals that together leave a gaping crack in your skull. It’s a rollicking affair, blowing open with an explosive guitar solo for an incendiary good time. With their third single now under their belt, it’s about time we start to suspect the Pelicans have more coming down the pipeline. Wishful thinking, sure, but fingers crossed!
THIS WASN’T INTENDED TO BE REAL, BUT PEOPLE STARTED MAILING IN SASE AND CASH TO JOIN, SO NOW IT IS. JOIN THE TOTAL PUNK FIGHTING SOCIETY. A TOTAL PUNK FAN CLUB RUN BY TOTAL PUNK! SEND US A S.A.S.E. ADDRESSED TO THE TOTAL PUNK FIGHTING SOCIETY, AND GET A FIGHTING SOCIETY MEMBERSHIP CARD, LETTER OF ACCEPTANCE, AND A TOTAL PUNK ONE SHEET CATALOG SENT TO YOUR DOOR. IT’S ABSOLUTELY FREE TO JOIN (ALTHOUGH WE DON’T FROWN ON A COUPLE OF HIDDEN DOLLARS), AND IN THE FUTURE YOU WILL GET THE TOTAL PUNK SEMI QUARTERLY MONTHLY NO WHERE NEAR ANNUALLY TWICE A YEAR NEWSLETTER WHENEVER WE GET AROUND TO PRINTING A NEW ONE. BE THE FIRST IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD TO FIND OUT WHAT NEW RELEASES TOTAL PUNK HAS UP ITS SLEEVE, PLUS GET EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEWS, PICTURES, AND SO MUCH MORE.
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WOAH! Man it feels good to be caught up. All orders have shipped, all emails have been answered, and all records have been stamped and stuffed. Now its time to do it all over again. Two weeks ago Video came to Orlando, for the TOTAL PUNK TOTAL FUCK OFF WEEKEND, tore the house down and the crowd a new asshole. A few days later they left Austin in rubble. The Hate Wave is in full effect, and this is your last chance to join. 200 more copies up now
Yellow Green Red: “some prime-time, top-shelf punk rock [...] that makes me want to cut the fingertips off my leather gloves and start vandalizing suburbia.”
Tiny Grooves: holy shit if you haven’t checked out VIDEO yet, NOW IS THE FUCKING TIME…… one of the best bands kicking around these days……. RECOMMENDED FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!
Terminal Boredom: the title cut lives up to its fantastic name, a mid-tempo KBD-punker with Daniel giving some good vox with extra electronics on the refrain and a hot and dum-dum solo. “Captivity” on the flip is more rubbery and post-punkish even, kinda reminds me of a latter day Tyrades track but with a bit more weird in the mix. What more can be said about this one…another winner from Total Punk.
As if that’s not enough Lumpy and the Dumpers- Gnats in the Pisser 7″ is back in stock. Well not exactly but it shows up Monday and rather than have you guys fill my inbox with request that I hold you a copy, I figured I’d put them up early and let you guys fight for copies. The first 500 lasted about 36 hours, and the repress of 300 is already down to less than 60 so act fast or cry like a baby.
Styrofoamdrone: Gnats in the Pisser comes with a heaping dosage of slimy and disgusted punk slop. Rock-steady drumming carves a path through the blown-out guitar hooks, working up a grungy swell loaded with extra grit and mountains of trash. The track is rounded out with ghoulish vocals and a screeching saxophone solo, and oh my god, it’s the best one we’ve ever heard. “Ghoul” is much darker and murkier in complexion, sounding like we’re stuck in a bubbling vat filled with black tar. Despite the filth Lumpy emerges unscathed from the ravaging textures, rounding out this B-side in the foulest way possible.
Oh yeah and for those of you who missed out on the Golden Pelicans new single the first time around I was able to score another 15 copies. To the best of my understanding these bad boys are pretty much gone now, so hurry up and pick one up from Pelican Pow Wow, me, or grab one from the Pelicans on our East Coast Tour next month.
April 9- Chapel Hill, NC @ Nightlight w/ Fleshwounds
April-10 Baltimore, MD @ Gold Bar w/ Advlts, Quitter
April-11 Brooklyn, NY @ Death By Audio w/ Foster Care
April-12 Harvard,MA Democracy Center w/Protomartyr, Spray Paint…
April-13 DAY OFF
April-14 Detroit, MI @ Lager House w/ Twine Time, Fake Surfers
April-15 Bloomington, IN @ Backdoor w/ Cowboys
April-16 Milwaukee, WI @ Circle A Bar w/ AluminumKnotEye
April-17 Minneapolis, MN Hexagon Bar w/ Blind Shake, Miami Dolphins, Can Of Beans, Pleasure Barons
April-18 Chicago, IL @ Coles w/ The Yolks, Son Of A Gun and DJ Coz
April-19 Memphis, TN @ Murphys w/ Manateees, IV
April-20 Memphis, TN @ Rocket Science Audio ALL AGES SHOW w/ Lucha & The Flat Spots
April-21 New Orleans, LA @ Saturn Bar w/ Buck Biloxi & The Fucks, Spray Paint
April-26 Atlanta @ The Earl w/ Spits,Tyvek, GG King, Greg Ashley, Shocked Outer Minds
This weekend was absolutely incredible. Every band killed it, and it was so awesome to see so many out of town faces in Orlando. The shows were all a blast, and it has taken all the way to today for me to start feeling normal again. IF anyone shot video please send a link my way. Thanks to everyone who came and made this weekend such a success. Who knows maybe we will even do this again.
As much fun as this weekend was unfortunately it is over and it is time to get back to work. We’ve got a ton of new stuff up on the catalog including the two newest TOTAL PUNK singles by LUMPY AND THE DUMPERS and MANATEEES, as well as the brand new GOLDEN PELICANS single on PELICAN POW WOW. We also have some new Total Punk shirts and limited edition buttons from this weekend up on the site. I leave you with the absolute brilliance of the GIORGIO MURDERER set. Hopefully I’ll have more stuff to post up to the page in the coming days.
So you are making the trek to Orlando this weekend for the Total Punk Total Fuck Off Weekend. We’ve got you covered during the shows but what are you supposed to do with the rest of your time? Disney’s too expensive, Wet N Wild hasn’t opened back up yet, and this isn’t the weekend that Holy Land lets heathens in for free. Well here’s a list of places to stuff your face with cheap delicious food, and bars to keep you drunk. You want to do something other than drink or eat? Hit the Florida Welcome center when you cross the state lines. They have tons of pamphlets covering all kinds of touristy shit.
WALLY’S (1001 N Mills Ave)
Wally’s is pretty much the heart and soul of the Mills Strip. Sitting in this location for 60 years, Wally’s has the stiffest drinks in town and if you are doing this thing right at all you will be making frequent trips to there throughout the night. Filled with rowdy locals, surly bartenders, and decorated with the best wallpaper in Orlando, Wally’s is a must hit destination. Also for those of you pulling an all nighter Wally’s opens back up at 7 A.M. It’s also a spot where you can rub shoulders with local celebrities like Jose Baez, John Morgan , or Shannon Burke. For those not in the know Shannon Burke was a local radio show host who shot his girlfriend’s dog’s leg off in a drunken domestic dispute. HOW’S THAT FOR FLORIDA! Wally’s is cash only so make sure to bring some green.
HIDEAWAY BAR (516 Virginia Dr)
This is another great locals spot and a Miami Dolphins themed bar. Cheap stiff drinks, friendly staff, and the best chicken wings in town (I also recommend the Hot Marino and the burgers). Good early spot to get your drink on. Also if you see a guy who looks like Papa Roach there he is the guy responsible for all the ugly murals you see around town. Like Wally’s Hideaway is cash only.
ST MATTHEW’S TAVERN (1300 N. Mills Ave)
St Matthews used to be a gay bar called Paradise that had free hot dogs on Sunday and really cheap drink specials every night. It was awesome. Paradise closed about 18 months ago and it spent about a year as a shitty dive bar called Orlando Nights. Well that place closed and Paradise is back but now it’s called St. Matthews Tavern. They still have cheap drink specials, its still gay, it’s decorated like an English chapel, they have pews for booths, and the St. Dorothy Catholic Church comes in and conducts mass every Sunday morning. Bar opens after mass.
PHO 88 (730 N Mills Ave)
Not the best Vietnamese food in town, but for sure one of the better ones and in close proximity to everything.
TAKO CHEENA (932 N Mills Ave)
Asian infused taco joint. The Cod and pork belly tacos are both good. The Korean Dog is also awesome, and the Chicken Burrito is easy to turn into two meals. Pretty cheap and out of towners always seem to really like this place.
TASTY WOK (1246 E Colonial Dr)
Tasty Wok is the shit. Delicious Mongolian BBQ and Noodle dishes. Krispy Pork, Duck, Beef Noodles its all great.
NOODLES & RICE CAFE (813 N Mills Ave)
Good,cheap, and close. Serve a variety of Asian dishes. All the noodles are homemade and fresh. House Ramen is awesome. Have a hot pot and regular menu.
NHA TRANG SUBS (1216 East Colonial Drive )
If you want to get a Bánh Mì this is the place to go. A total hole in the wall run by the nicest little Vietnamese lady. Best Bánh Mì in town, and only $3.
STARDUST (1842 Winter Park Rd)
Nice chill little spot. Good cheap coffee, free wi-fi, decent beer selection, kitschy decor, fancy cocktails after 4. Good spot for Vegheads, but they also have awesome sandwiches with meat on them.
BLACK BEAN DELI (1835 E Colonial Dr)
Awesome little Cuban place. Good spot to grab a colada and a media noche. Also really like the papa rellenas, and 1/4 chicken meal.
THAT’S RIGHT FOLKS. Only one more month of me insisting you make your way down to Orlando, Florida. Presale tickets are moving out the door at a steady pace, and you only have eight more days to buy them online. After that you’ll have to wait on line with the rest of the losers. As if this line up wasn’t sick enough I got two of the biggest loudmouthed self aggrandizing jerks I know to blow hot air into the mic in between bands. Friday night is local reprobate and Golden Pelicans front man King G. Expect a lot of bad jokes, I love you man’s, and nonsensical hollering. Saturday night we’ve got self described genius and Top Fuck himself Buck Biloxi. He’ll be there to tell you how much better he is than you, me, and every other band taking part in this weekend. I hope you are prepared for the greatest weekend of your stupid miserable life because we are about to thrust it upon you. Be there or continue to suck at living.
Full line up (and set times) below as well the Total Punk Total Fuck Off Weekend party mix including tracks from bands performing that weekend, plus the A-side from the next two Total Punk releases, which will hopefully be available at the Total Punk Total Fuck Off Weekend.
FRIDAY MARCH 7 @ WILLS PUB $10 ADVANCE/ $12 DAY OF DRS@8 18+
12:45-???? LIVE FAST DIE (New York, NY)
11:45-12:30 LIQUOR STORE (Plauderville, NJ)
11:00-11:30 BUCK BILOXI & THE FUCKS (New Orleans, LA)
10:15-10:45 MANATEEES (Memphis, TN)
9:30-10:00 EXIT BAGS (Orlando, FL)
MC: KING G
SATURDAY MARCH 8 DAY SHOW @ UNCLE LOU’S $5 ADVANCE/ $7 DAY OF DRS@ 3:00
7:00-7:30 THE HEMINGERS (Coldwater, MI)
6:15-6:45 GIORGIO MURDERER (New Orleans, LA)
5:30-6:00 SICK THOUGHTS (Baltimore, MD)
4:45-5:15 KID AIDS (St. Pete, FL)
4:00-4:30 MOLD (Jacksonville, FL)
SATURDAY MARCH 8 NIGHT SHOW @ WILLS PUB $10 ADVANCE/ $12 DAY OF DRS@ 8 18+
12:45-???? VIDEO (Denton, TX)
11:45-12:30 GARY WRONG GROUP (Mobile, AL)
11:00-11:30 GG KING (Atlanta, GA)
10:15-10:45 GINO & THE GOONS (St Pete, FL)
9:30-10:00 GOLDEN PELICANS (Colonialtown, FL)
MC: BUCK BILOXI
Terminal Boredom posted their best of 2013 and all I can say is WOW! TOTAL PUNK is all over this bitch. Terminal Boredom is one of the few places writing about music who’s opinion I actually value, so to get this kind of praise from them has me feeling pretty proud. Thanks for all the love and I’m gonna do my best to make sure 2014 is even better than the last two. All of the Total Punk stuff has been listed below, but you can read the year wrap up in its entirety here.
BEST LP’S OF 2013
8. Gary Wrong Group “Knights of Misery” LP (Total Punk/Jeth-Row)
The best in evil synth punk from Alabama.
11. The Sleaze “Tecktonik Girls & Other Hits” LP (Total Punk)
An early ’13 release that had staying power. Sadly, I think this makes 4 bands on this list that are already defunct.
1. Buck Biloxi & The Fucks “Holodeck Survivor” 7″ (Total Punk)
“Holodeck Survivor” = song of the year.
6. Golden Pelicans “The Earls” 7″ (Total Punk)
Almost as good as their debut.
8A. Bits of Shit “Meat Thump” 7″ (Total Punk)
I think these guys might actually be a “Singles Band”.
BEST REISSUE SINGLES
5. Action Swingers “Miserable Life” 7″ (Total Punk) not necessarily a “reissue”, but a vinyl treatment for two tunes that deserved it.
LIVE SET OF THE YEAR: Golden Pelicans – May 11 @ Uncle Lou’s, Orlando, FL - I just happened to be in Orlando at just the right time to catch a Pelicans set on their home turf. Sloptastic yet tough garage beer spilling, and everything I hoped for. Close Second(s): The Sleaze – May 17 @ Now That’s Class, Cleveland, OH – another band I never thought I would see live that managed to live up to expectations and then some – they even won over a tough Clevo crowd.
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: LUMPY & THE DUMPERS - Lumpy, along with his Spotted Race family of mutants, prove that the kids don’t all suck these days. (single coming out on Total Punk in March)
BAND OF THE YEAR: BUCK BILOXI & THE FUCKS - 2013 was the toughest time I’ve had picking a BOTY since we started this. Yes, I take this seriously, if only to amuse myself. Kremlin were a strong candidate via their stellar LP and the best tape of the year, but I still say breaking up was a bad move and penalized them for that. The Ropes had one of their most productive years, actually releasing three records and some great tapes, but a lot of this material has been floating around for awhile as well, so it was tough to peg their achievements as all strictly 2013 (the good news is their backlog seems to be caught up, and we could be seeing a new LP and maybe even a singles/demos comp from them in 2014). Lumpy & The Dumpers ruled hard, but they were getting ROTY and technically only released one record this year. Destruction Unit had the best LP and another one that was at least top 20 material, but I feel like I was weighing their vote heavily on Ryan’s past work – plus, I think they’re already the frontunner for the 2104 title with the head of steam they have going. At the end of the day, it had to Buck Biloxi. Best single of the year, best song of the year (and the #2 slot as Giorgio Murderer and probably another in the Top Ten with “I’m A Genius” from the split with Legendary Wings), best split of the year (which is technically a 100% Biloxi record anyway), a top ten LP, killer lyrics/liner notes/inserts on said records, I think there was a tape somewhere, plus he gave us a great interview. To quote the genius himself: “If you think Buck Biloxi and the Fucks are not rad in real life you need to snap out of that bullshit dream.” Nuff sed.
LABEL OF THE YEAR: TOTAL PUNK RECORDS - there was no shortage of great records this year, but there didn’t seem to be many labels with strong stables overall. Except in one case: TOTAL PUNK. For the second year running they’ve dominated the field and there is legitimately no other label you could possibly even think about as Termbo Label of the Year. Buck Biloxi, Bits of Shit, The Sleaze, Golden Pelicans, Gary Wrong Group, Life Stinks, Cheap Time and even the Action Swingers?! 12″es, 7″es, reissues, fests, distro, Rich and TP do it all. Seriously. No contest. The only other possibility I could think of was Superior Viaduct, but reissue labels are not eligible for this award according to the rulebook. And speaking of rules, TOTAL PUNK = #1 (AGAIN), joining In the Red and Rip Off as the only repeat champs and the first label to go back-to-back. Congratulations for an exceptional year.
Total Punk and Homeless Records ruled the decks, release after release. When their lesser titles still ranked a four outta’ five stars, you know they killed it. I bought everything. I kept everything.
BEST LPS OF 2013
Gary Wrong went and became a full time band with “Knights of Misery”, and it paid off big time. This Total Punk outing delivered buckets full of spookshow goon and sideshow tunes for the weirdo losers around these boards.
Lastly, I gotta’ give it ALL up to Total Punk. Every platter Rich put out this year is worthy of this (or any) list, but I had to trim it down to just one. Bits of Shit’s “Meat Thump” takes that cake. A stellar band and shining here on their US wax debut. I’d probably tie it with the Matador singles club record, had I actually joined the Matador singles club. BALLS. (Feel free to send me one, mm’kay?) So when you’re ready to throw away your next paycheck on Totino’s Pizza Rolls© and rubber cement, fill some shelving cracks with the Totes Punx roster instead.
Since I’ve been drooling about Homeless again, I might as well flog the dying horse and continue to stroke Total Punk as well. Thank you for getting Ned Hayden (for a fleeting moment) to agree on allowing a few 100 copies of The Action Swingers “Miserable Life” 7” to exist. A great day for self-loathers and serial killers everywhere. Long gone now; swept away. Perhaps ask around the downtown Greyhound terminal? There might be one crumpled up by the nearest ashtray…
The time has finally come. The raddest label in the land is throwing the raddest party in the land and you’re all invited. Total Punk is turning three and we got 15 of the best punk bands going to come help us celebrate. We may be cheap but we ain’t stupid, and we know quality when we see it. Not a dud in the bunch. Watch this video to see what happens to any poor sap who misses out! GET PUMPED OR BE A CHUMP!!!! LET’S DESTROY THIS FUCKING TOWN!!!